Jay from Snow Angel and Angel Heart by Sharon Maria Bidwell
During my interview with Dean, I said that in the world of the imagination anything is possible. Right now, I’m watching Jay. He won’t know I’m here until I want him to, of course. This is my world, after all, but what’s puzzling is that I’ve been trying to catch his attention for ages. Hey! Readers want this interview, but he doesn’t seem to be listening. In fact, he seems seriously preoccupied. Right now, I can’t help wondering what he’s doing. He’s delving into an old box and to my surprise, he takes out an old school textbook. I remember that Dean used to help him with his homework. What would he think of this, if he saw Jay flipping over the back pages and yes, there, amongst the scribbling that most students do, I see a small mark of three letters, ‘J4D’ enclosed by a small heart.
Somehow, I’m not surprised. The letters have been written over repeatedly so that they are darker than the rest of the doodles and would stand out if it weren’t for the fact they’re so small, almost deliberately hidden.
“Hey, Jay!”
“Hmm…”
Determined to pin him down today, I take the book from his fingers and trace the letters with a fingertip. He slightly flushes. “Were you worried about April discovering this, Dean, or another classmate?” I can’t help smiling as I ask.
“All of the above,” Jay replies, and he’s smiling too, though there’s something coy in his expression. He doesn’t bother hiding his amusement, though.
“When did you know you loved him?”
“How old does one have to be?”
That’s almost as good a question as mine is. “You couldn’t have foreseen a time when you’d get together.”
“No,” Jay answers simply, and that one small word says so much, largely due to the tone of his voice. He sounds a little melancholy, maybe a little disbelieving. “I often feel as though I’m dreaming,” he says, confirming my theory. “I keep thinking I can’t possibly be this lucky.”
“Lucky?” The phrase ‘cat among the pigeons’ springs to mind. I know I’m going to have to stir things up to get a decent interview. “Some would say that Dean is the kind of luck they can do without.”
“And I’m tired of hearing crap from people who don’t know him.”
I blink at him. This is hardly the quiet Jay we’ve come to know and love, although his manner reminds me there are times where he can be very loud and very vocal.
“No one gets it,” he mutters.
“So explain.”
“Why should we?” He looks up from where he still kneels; everything about his posture speaks of defiance. “I know what people think of Dean but they just don’t get him. Yes, half the time he’s oblivious. He’s oblivious to the fact that anything he says can possibly hurt another person’s feelings.”
“You call this defending him?” I’m trying to tone down the sarcasm.
“What? Yes. No!” Jay laughs then. “He’s oblivious because he can’t imagine anything he says being that important to anyone. He knows he’s good-looking and that people are attracted to him, but deep down he sees that as superficial.”
“Many would call Dean a superficial person.”
“He’s not. He lives for the fun side of life because it’s the easier option and, anyway, why shouldn’t he? He didn’t need anything else until now. He didn’t have a reason to be serious.”
“And now he does?”
Jay sits quietly for a moment, clearly in thought. “You can’t get much more serious than this for Dean. I know this isn’t easy for him. I understand why he’s confused. You see, I couldn’t believe it myself at first, but I’ve come to realise that Dean loves me despite the fact I’m the wrong sex. Hell, some days it would be easier if I wanted a sex change, but I don’t, and he wouldn’t ask me to. He wouldn’t want to change a thing about me.” He sounds immensely pleased as he makes that last comment.
“He can’t just ignore what sex you are and there’s no lack of sexual chemistry.”
Jay shrugs. “He just doesn’t see sex that way. April once accused him of being happy to screw any orifice and if he was marooned on a dessert island with nothing but men for company, I couldn’t see him going without for too long. He’d screw a passing…”
I hold up a hand, not wanting to go with that image or complete the thought of what might be passing. I shake my head at Jay but he’s quietly laughing.
“Sex is just sex in Dean’s eyes. Love is something else and he’s never had that in his life before. The fact is he loves me because I’m the one person who sees him for what he is, and I love what I see and accept him without question. If I can do that for him, he wants to do the same for me.”
“And who is he?”
“You already know, more than anyone. He’s insecure, vulnerable. He’s got a temper. He can sulk, be sullen. He likes to tease to the point of being spiteful at times.”
I give him an expressive look. “And these are his good points?” Jay shakes his head.
“He goes too far, says things he doesn’t really mean, then regrets the hurt he’s caused the minute he’s done it. It’s almost a protective mechanism for him, self-preservation. He’s got a soft heart when all is said and done. He has an aggressive sense of justice. He decides something is right or wrong and sticks to it. He’s loyal. He’ll defend someone he cares about to the end. He’s passionate about life, sex, things and people he loves. He can be amazingly affectionate. He looks at me as though he can’t believe he’s been this lucky, when all the time I’m thinking the same thing about him. What truly amazes me, though, is that so many others can’t see these things. So, it’s down to me and I’m the one who ends up defending him.”
Now he looks contemplative and a little sad. “It’s going to be a long haul for us. We’ve a lot of people to convince and many comments that will need ignoring.”
I hate to ask this question, partly because I can’t imagine these two guys not being together now, and partly because I know some readers would love me to revisit them yet again, but I don’t see a reason to, for that would require more conflict and surely they’ve been through enough. “Do you think the two of you will make it?”
Jay looks at me and I can see that this time it’s his turn to be surprised. He smiles once more. “We already have. Dean hasn’t gone through all this to give up now and neither have I.”
“Still, you’ve grown up with prejudice. Dean is new to it and he’s got even more stacked against him. There are those who just can’t believe he’s in a relationship with another man, those who don’t believe he’s serious, and those who just don’t want you with him.” I avoid mentioning Jay’s sister. She gives the word vitriolic a completely new meaning.
Jay sits there for a moment, but when he answers, he sounds very decided and as if what he’s saying is the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m in love. I’ve got the one person I always wanted and it’s not a crush. What I feel for him has never diminished. It never left me. I just learned how to live with it. As for Dean, I don’t doubt him for a minute.” He looks at me; absolute certainty makes his eyes shine. “We’re stronger together, but Dean is as strong as I make him. I won’t let anyone come between us, and so neither will he.”
Oddly enough, I share his confidence. Some relationships may seem out of the ordinary but they defy explanation, the odds, what everyone else wants to make of them. I wish them peace.
www.sharonbidwell.co.uk
Snow Angel and Angel Heart available here:
http://www.loose-id.net/searchresult.aspx?CategoryID=237
Hello!
This seems like a really good writing exercise – you have to really know your characters inside and out, to do this well. And you have!
Great stuff, Shaz. Very enjoyable.
Sassy
🙂
Hi Sharon!
I’m surprised this interview has more to do with Dean, than Jay himself. But it was a nice read.
And to address this point:
and partly because I know some readers would love me to revisit them yet again, but I don’t see a reason to, for that would require more conflict and surely they’ve been through enough.
It would be cool, but not something I’d need either as a reader. But if you were to why would there need to be conflict? I know from my stand-point that isn’t true. I wouldn’t need Dean and Jay to be all argumentative and confused to enjoy another chapter in their lives. If they were still to do that in a future installment, then I wouldn’t feel they had grown at all. So it would be pointless.
LOL. Thanks. I think I could write many interviews with these two. The reason I wrote Jay’s interview this way is most readers seem to want to know how he feels about Dean. At least, after they’ve read the first book. They loved the sequel because it sort of flipped the coin and showed why Jay loves Dean, and what he sees in him that many others don’t.
[…] Jay from Snow Angel and Angel Heart by Sharon Maria Bidwell. I LOVE this book. In fact to steal a phrase from Lisabea I HEART this book! And here is Dean’s. […]